Vodka and Snow

Yes, my friends, the evening was such that I set the clocks forward to trick the kids into bed early, and now I’m eating spoonfuls of Vodka and snow. No – for real. We brought zip lock bags of snow home from Yosemite weeks ago and it’s still in the freezer. So as soon as the older boys were done with their Lord of the Flies brawling routine over who took who’s damn Crazy Bones, (while I was rocking the baby to sleep in the room next door, by the way) I sent them to bed. I told them their behavior was so troubling, I’d need some time to consider the consequences carefully. But really, I just needed some vodka and snow. Topped with the sweet syrup of peace and quiet.

So when it seemed there was peace and quiet, when it seemed like their hot little heads were on the pillows for good, I headed for the freezer; and in three minutes flat I had concocted a Poor Shanny snow cone: vodka, lemon juice and raspberry Torani Syrup over snow. I know it’s Ash Wednesday and all, and for the record, I did go to church and get my ashes, but here’s the thing: I really think that God feels my sharp, piercing child-rearing pains, and that if God were here, He/She’d be like, “Where’s my vodka and snow?” and kick her feet up. I almost feel like God’s here with me on the sofa now, ready to watch some junk television, and commiserate with me. After all, I always tell my kids, “God is wherever you are.”

Anyhow, I am really super glad I set the clocks forward and don’t feel guilty in the least because five minutes into my frozen bliss, who should show up but little C in his Risky Business attire, (a pair of orange tight-ies and a tank top) wanting to know this: “Mommy, can we visit a fossil site sometime?” First I want really badly to laugh. I mean -- just the orange sight of him. Then, I want to say, “Are you out of your mind? I’m finally here recovering from the torment you inflicted upon me and you get out of bed after behaving like a savage to ask me when we can go fossil hunting?” But I crunch some more snow and inhale deeply – because that’s what I’m going to work on the for the next forty days…patience with the people I love most. After a nice long exhale I’m thinking about how sweet it is that he’s interested in fossils; that he’s not asking me to take him to see Lady Ga Ga live but he’s asking me if we can go searching the earth for fossils. And it warms me. It does. But I still need my Vodka and snow. So I tell him we can Google fossil sites in the Bay Area tomorrow perhaps, but that right now, he needs to get his bright orange buns into bed.